Mess Us Up!!!

so, i’ve been trying to figure out what exactly Jesus has been doing in my life lately because it’s pretty miraculous. I can’t really find owrds to describe it very well, but I thought this video was like a HUGE picture of my heart as of late. It’s kinda funny, and might make you a little uncomfortable if you aren’t used to Rick Pino, but you’ll love it anyways! ENJOY!!

 

not much

not much is happening in my world. I had my one-on-one Friday, and Jennifer said I was refreshing. Supposedly I have no drama in my life, which is good but not entirely true. Hell month is starting, and I’m not very stressed. That worries me a little…HA! Some guy drama that I thought was over has reintroduced itself; I thought I called it quits with that situation…apparently I misinterpreted that.

Lent started, and I decided to do something a little different this year. I’ve always thought Lent was cool, andI’ve done it because I thought it would make me look spiritual. (Wow, look at me admitting that-I’m making osme serious progress here.) So Jesus called me out on that my senior year of high school, and I haven’t done it since. I’ve been waiting until I can do it with the right heart. Well, apparently this year was the year. Jesus moved on my heart to go for it. It took me FOREVER to figure out what to give up. I searched my heart for a long time, and I decided to choose the thing in my life that is battling God for the #1 position in my life-you know what I’m talking about. And, well, it seems kind of trivial, but I did it. Then I decided to keep it to myself for the whole 40 days.

Jesus has really been breaking me of myself through it. I have been forced to take a lot more risks, and I am initiating more, and it’s just really good. The other day I was doing the dishes and just talking to Jesus about my grades, and I was telling Him I just didn’t know what else to do. I’m not going to kill myself for that 3.8 because who I am isn’t in my grades. But at the same time, I want to perform well. The Bible does say to study to show yourself approved; it also says to do everything as unto the Lord. So do you wanna know what he said? He said, “Don’t worry about it. Use your time diligently, and then go have some fun. You do your part, and I’ll do mine. You are going to be just fine this semester.” I was talking to my future roomie about it this morning, and she reminded me that it’s so great to get God’s opinion on stuff. Things are so much bigger when we do. My grades are not the most important thing. Loving Jesus and loving people are the most important thing. I think that through Lent, the Lord is giving me a better idea of His perspective. And let me tell you, it is so peaceful and exciting and REFRESHING! Jesus has also completely transformed my devotion time, and it is SO good! I love it! So I am excited for whatever else is in store in the next 34 1/2 days. I just know it’s going to be good.

In other news, my dad is headed back overseas soon, I signed with my new roommate today, and it is time for me to head to office hours. Well, until next time, may Jesus continue to lavish you with His ridiculous and unconditional love

 

GNO, community building, and singing men

so last night was a girls’ night!  it was SO fun…something Ithink I really needed.  I’ve been feeling like I don’t belong, and I’ve been questioning God a lot about having me move to NC.  It has been a really hard transition.  On several occasions in the past week, the Lord has just really arrested my heart and challenged me to get more outside of my comfort zone…initiate more with people.  That’s been something I have been struggling with lately.  I have strongly wanted community, and it’s been harder than I thought to gain it.  I kept looking back on my time in Tacoma and thinking about how fun it was.  Jesus reminded me that although it was fun, it was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, especially my first semester in college.  It took me a couple of months to really make friends and get involved.  I seemed to have forgotten that.  While this transition was harder than that one, I am starting to see the beauty in it.  I have been surrounded by amazing, beautiful women who absolutely LOVE Jesus.  They are so much fun!  We’ve been talking a lot lately about spending more time together and strengthening out community.  Apparently Lerryn and I aren’t the only ones who feel lonely in a sea of thousands of people.

So in order to promote this, yesterday we had a girls’ night.  It was really interesting.  Everyone there was associated with Chi Alpha, but I can’t say I really knew everyone.  I got to spend time with people I never spend time with.  I got to build my relationship with my possible new roomie.  Heck, I am even go to the UNC vs. Clemson game on Sunday now!  How fun is that?  We just ate tons of junk food (which we usually never do on our own), we watched Jesus Culture on youtube, and we had a dance party for like 2 hours.  Then Lindsay brought me home at like 2 and we sat in her car and had this really amazing cinversation.  I just felt like it was a really great time of initiation for me.  I got to just get out there and be me.  and it was AWESOME!

One area that is still really hard for me, though, music.  I still don’t really have a place to sing, and I am afraid my voice is gonna start getting weak.  I will admit, I am vain.  I have a beautiful voice, and I want to use it…to worship God, to have fun, and to take care of it.  I know it sounds really prideful, and it probably is, but I don’t want to lose it….so i’ll have to be praying about that one.  In the mean time, if you are looking for some awesome entertainment, check out this guy:

 

Do Some Good NOW

everyone needs to check this out and spread the word. For every 100, 000 hits this website gets, they train a mason in Burkina Faso (in Africa) to build eco-friendly homes for thos ewho need them in the area. Watch the video and hit up the site often.

Visit Do Some Good Now for more information…DO IT NOW!!!!!!

 

hmm…

  I wrote my first obituary today.  So writing obituaries is weird anyway because you are writing about a dead person.  But in this case, I wrote about someone who is very much alive.   Her name is  Margart, and she is really fun and bubbly.  I think it’s weird to write an obituary for someone like that.  Did you know that apparently there is a controversy over whether or not to write up Britney Spear’s obituary.  Some people think that maybe it’s disrespectful, but other people think it’s ok because she’s very mentally unstable.  I think it’s weird.  I never want to work for a publication where I have to write obituaries.  I also read my own obituary today…that was also weird, but in a different way…it said I died “unexpectedly in my Chapel Ridge Apartment”…I laughed out loud when I read that…I do NOT want to die unexpectedly in my college apartment…I’d like to believe all this work won’t kill me., just make me a better journalist.  HA!  Anyway…I’m starving and I need to read my econ book.  All my love!

 

a friend posted this today…i thought it was funny. thanks, Brody!

 

house hunting?

Oddly enough, I am. I spend most of my afternoon cleaning my apartment and researching life in Nashville, TN. Pretty interesting stuff. I found my estimated salary and bills, and it was somewhat of a shocker. I realized once again that life costs a lot of money. I guess that I understand that to a certain extent considering the fact that I moved out from my parents’ house three years ago…trekking 3500 miles from home has a way of being expensive, lol. However, I haven’t had to pay for my cell phone or my groceries or my loan payments or car insurance yet, so when i factored all that in-WOW!

In other news, this is last week of “freedom”. AKA “Hell Month” starts next week. I will be studying for tests and taking tests and studying for more tests and taking more tests. However, I have decided to keep from complaining about it. That sounds like a tall order-a near impossible order, in fact. But here’s my thinking. I have been given the opportunity of a lifetime. I go to CAROLINA for crying out loud! That’s a big flippin’ deal! And not only do I go here, but Jesus has provided a way for me to pay for my education. And I have made some really cool friends. And not only that, but some of my friends and I have really been interceding for UNC, and we feel like the spirit of God is gonna fall in a major way-which is something I get to be a part of. Not only that, but I am getting the opportunity to do something that only about 10% of people in the world get to do. So rather complain about it, I want to praise God for the favor He’s given me to do this. And to reinforce this, I have decided to fast. I really want the spirit of God to come and meet people all over campus, whether they are saved or not. I want there to be a refreshing on campus. I feel like “hell month” is a really great time for me to get really self-focused and only be concerned with my grades. But I think Jesus wants to refresh me and be bigger than that, and I believe He wants to be that for the rest of campus, too. So what am I fasting? Well, I was considering meat or makeup, but I decided on what seems to be my biggest vice as of late…TV. It keeps me form being disciplined, and it keeps me from interacting with other people, and sometimes even with God. So the cable came out today, and it will stay out until Spring Break-exactly 40 days…dun dun dun!

On top of that, I have decided to pursue greater community on campus. I went to my book group last night, and on the way home, Lerryn and I were talking about how lonely and isolated we feel, and how ridiculous because we are literally in a sea of like 50, 000 people. We feel like our loneliness distracts us and depresses us. We were created to worship, and community is a really big part of that. When I get lonely, what do I do? I turn on the TV. So today has been hard because I’ve been lonely, but there’s been no TV. And it’s not like I don’t pray or spend time with God, because I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m not lonely. And apparently a few of my other friends feel exactly this way, also. So this weekend, we are going to study together. We will feel better, and we will probably perform better academically and ever push each other forward spiritually. We wanna be there for each other, and that’s waht loving Jesus together is all about.

So that’s my life right now I guess. This was an attempt to keep me from my econ. homework and my history novel, but apparently it was a futile attempt. So I am off to crunch numbers and read a novel. Call the cell if you need me. I would LOVE to talk to you, whoever you are

 

yuck!

so i have been really sick for the last week.  and when one is sick, there is a lot of extra time.  And what does a sick person do with all that extra time?  watch lots of TV…at least I do.  Usually I can turn off my brain and sleep …but i’ve also had a chance to observe.  And TV is so full of garbage!  I thought that if i stayed on the family channel I would be safe…WRONG!  The shows promote sex out of marriage, cursing, drinking, partying, witchcraft, and the commercials are either for inappropriate or horror films.  And the movies they play are movies I could never watch with my parents…and if i can’t watch it with them, i shouldn’t watch it.  And even straying from the family channel, i saw a commercial for a new show called “Moment of Truth”, where people are hooked up to lie detectors and asked really humiliating questions like “Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?” and “Have you ever touched a co-worker inappropriately?”  Why would you volunteer to answer those questions? Why would anyone want to humiliate people like that?  It just really bugs me.  And what’s worse is that most Christians I know are ok with it…  aren’t we supposed to be “little Christs”?  what about living a life worthy of our calling and passionatley pursuing the heart of Jesus.  I’m not saying I’m immune because I have totally entertained myself with stuff like that..and it’s so NOT ok.   I think I’m starting to see it as slapping Jesus’ holiness and redemption in the face.  It’s disrespectful, and it’s harmful to me…

It all makes me think of Heath Ledger.  It’s weird to think that a few hours ago he was alive and kickin’…now he’s burning in hell.  I walk around on a campus full of Heath Ledgers…people whp are searching for significance and fulfillment.  They are curious and they are hungry.  But they are also deceived…and unless I live the life I have been called to, they will never know I have the answer.  However, yesterday, I was reading Matthew 23, and Jesus totally slams religious people.  He talks about how blind they are and calls them hypocrites.  It’s all because they didn’t love.  I can’t say I always love people on my campus.  And I am definitely a hypocrite.  I am human.  I want desperately for Jesus to use me on my campus.  I want Him to show up in ridiculous ways…so I think I am realizing once again that I am imperfect…and I can’t always see the line that separates set apart from religious.  But I do live in the grace of God, and I know he makes up the difference…just a few of my thoughts…more thoughts to come later…

 

the viscious cycle

well, a new semester has begun.  I officially only have three more semesters (including this one) until I graduate.  I am finally started major classes, and right now it looks like everything I am taking is going to be interesting.  I wrote my very first news report today…it made me feel very official, lol.  Anyways, I did something quite funny.  I mapped out in my planner when I have all of my classes, because including recitation I have 9.  And if you are really amazing, you can do that without a planner…but I am not that person.  So I have everything written in my planner.  As it turns out, there is WAY too much information in that thing.  Today, I have a Philosophy class from 2-3:15.  All I saw in my planner was the 3:15, so I went home, made lunch, and watched Without A Trace.  Then, at about 2:20, I left my apartment to walk down to the bus stop.  Halfway there, I realized that my class started at 2 and by the time I got there the class would have been over.  Silly me.  Oh well.  There’s always Tuesday to try again   In the meantime, I have some reading to do and some books to buy.

 

one night divine

things are wrapping up in Fayetteville tonight, and it has been a fun day to watch unfold.  Because we are leaving for Seattle tomorrow, we celebrated Christmas Eve tonight, and we are doing Christmas day tomorrow morning.  It’s so funny because I always thought that as people got older, they outgrew all of the anticipation of Christmas.  Well, my little brother, who is 17, wanted to sleep by the Christmas Tree tonight in order to insure the safety of the gifts.  He has searching under the tree every day, only to find that nothing under it belongs to him.  Mom was hiding all of his stuff in her room.  Anyhow, we had dinner as a family, which is rare since I don’t live with my parents anymore.  After that, we read The Other Wise Man, Alabaster’s Song, and Great Joy.  We read The Other Wise Man every year.  Tonight, I got to do the honors.  The other two are really cute stories my mom reads to her first-graders.  She is so animated… I would have loved to have her as my teacher  After that we opened stockings and watched The Nativity.  I’ve tried to watch it twice  before, and both times I fell asleep.  Tonight I stayed awake for the whole thing, and it turned out to be pretty good.  Now everyone else is nestled away in their beds.  I am waiting on some clothes to finish drying so I can put them in my suitcase.I am actually really excited to go back to Seattle.  It’s only been 9 months since I moved away, and part of me feels like it has been 2 weeks, and another part feels like it’s been 2 years.  The past semester was actually much harder than I anticipated.  Coming in as a transfer student was quite similar to being a freshman.  I was academically unsure of what to expect.  I didn’t know anyone; I didn’t know where anything was.  At the beginning of the semester, UNC -Chapel Hill felt so huge to me.  I felt like I would never learn my way around.  While I don’t know where every building on campus is now, I can pretty much find my way around in the dark, which is a pretty big accomplishment  It took me a long time to find a church.  When I moved to Seattle my freshman year, NewSong was the first church I tried, and it was the perfect fit.  Everyone was my age and they were all so friendly and passionate about Jesus.  I really grew and was challenged to the very core of my being while I was there.  Here, it took much longer.  I tried out Grace Church because that’s where all my XA friends went to church.  Don’t get me wrong, it is an awesome church.  It just wasn’t for me.  So then I tried True Life. It has been a real adjustment because my church in Fayetteville is pretty much a mega church, and my church in WA at least had several hundred people.  So I was used to a pretty large atmosphere.  TrueLife is entirely different.  It is a church plant, and the first time I went, there were about 12 people, and we met in the pastor’s basement.  It was totally out of my element and out of my comfort zone, which seemed to be Jesus’ theme for my life at the beginning of the semester.  But it has turned out to be an awesome experience.  I still don’t quite feel at home, but I think it will come with time.  Then there was the experience of finding friends…. that was kinda hard.  I jumped in right away, and I started getting to know people.  I showed up at every event because I was desperate for community.  So Chi Alpha is where I found my niche.  It took awhile for me to really start connecting with people.  but Jesus provided Jennifer and the girls in my life group…then there are Raiza and Lerryn…two powerhouses for Christ!  Jesus has just given me so much provision this semester.  He has just extended His hand and shown his great faithfulness and love.  I think now He is starting to teach me about the impossible, but I will go into that another time..So anyhow, I go into all this 1) to recognize and remember the goodness of my God!  and 2) to bring up the point that this semester things were not easy by any stretch of the imagination.  It through me for such a loop just to be living back in NC.  So I think that to a certain extent I romanticized my life in WA.  I remembered everything wonderful and erased everything terrible.  I told  myself that I felt so complete in WA and that everything was perfect there.  But honestly that is also not true by any stretch of the imagination.  While it was fun to live 3500 miles away form my parents, it wasn’t the best thing ever.  My living conditions were somewhat abusive and manipulative, I definitely had times where I felt like I just fell through the cracks or life was surfacy, and my life just didn’t feel complete.  I remember being lonely when I first moved there.  I basically talked to Sarah and Adam on the phone and Shaylon on AIM and that was life.  I remembe friendships feeling fake and all the fristration that came with that.  So basically, I am learning that life isn’t perfect.  and I am a tad afraid that all my romanticizing of my previous life will lead me to disappointment over break.  People have gotten married, guy friends that I was close to now have girlfriends…the whole dynamic will just be different.  I told Jennifer about all this at one of our one-on-one’s, and she said it was part of being a girl.  It’s not ok, but it’s normal…that made me feel a little better.  I think I am learning to do it less, though.  But I really prayed for an open mind this past semester, and I think Jesus gave it to me.  I never really compared WA and NC.  I just remembered stuff in a somewhat distorted way.  I don’t things to be different than when I left And usually I am the first to jump on the bandwagon for change, but this time, I am still timid…  I guess that’s selfish, though.I will be gone for the next 10 days, so blogging will be scarce.